Sitting in the fourth row corner seat in class I was wondering if anyone would notice if I fell asleep. Last night I had only four hours of sleep and I had my prejudice of perceiving the English class as not the most interesting class. In fact most of my past experience at IIT Kanpur was such that even the most interesting subjects tend to get boring here. First few classes were devoted to the literature background and large number of authors and poets were mentioned in the class most of whom I had never ever heard of and then when I saw many of the student’s positive responses and saw how well read they were, my immediate thoughts were that I am doomed in this course. It was not until Blake’s poem
The Sick Rose was introduced that I started paying attention to what was being said and the discussion and various interpretations that followed really were the starting point of the course for me.
Then the real course started with
Sonnet 33, here I was glad that I knew at least something about the author but soon I realised I knew very little about Shakespeare thanks to the discussions and the additional information about his life imparted in class. This was extremely interesting for me when the interpretations were talked over, as the topic was not something one could talk in ordinary society freely especially with a teacher around. This was my first experience when I was in middle of a discussion about two male lovers which obviously made me a bit uncomfortable being from a conservative background. After this I thought Shakespeare must be an exception, but as the course progressed I saw that most of the poets and authors were actually a misfit in society, all outcasts or “bohemian” another interesting word I learned in class, this really turned my notions around as now I think that normal socially accepted poet or author would actually be the exception.
As the course progressed I continued to gather knowledge about various writers and read the dramatic monologue of a psychologically ill murderer, poems of waiting love and the odes to nature and religion. These were all no doubt interesting but for me not so much thought provoking, they were just normal literature. It was “
The Story of an Hour” that really got my mind working full throttle, especially a line I would like to quote which I just couldn’t get out of my mind, it was “And yet she had loved him—sometimes.” This “sometimes” that was added really was disquieting thing. It just did not fit in all the notions held for love in my mind, although I have never experienced love but still what I was able to gather from all the past experiences and knowledge I thought would be enough to at least somewhat have some idea of what love is. But this line really forced me to reconsider, it contradicted the most fundamental beliefs and it still is mentally discomforting. I grew curious so I asked and collected various opinions about this both from girls and boys. For the boys, most have not experienced love so they had little to say and were confused like me, but majority of them were of the view that in this case she did not love him at all, it was just matrimony of convenience and compulsion. I too think on similar lines and I see that the so called love, if at all, was just a feel-good cover for the underneath peaceful sustenance motives. For girls it was interesting as mostly I got the same reply in different words that all girls are not the same and it was apparent that their thinking patterns are much more complex. Then as if it were not still quite discomforting “
About Love” came in the course, it dealt with love in a cynical way but practical way as I see it. It showed how perfect people taking just the perfect socially acceptable decisions end up being very unhappy in their love lives and thus eventually spoiling their lives. What was really discomforting was that I saw myself too thinking too much for all these kind of matters and suddenly had the fear if even I could end up being like them, then I tried to comfort myself by saying it was just in the story, but again my mind was not ready to accept it and came up with undeniable counter argument that literature is after all a reflection of the society. All these thoughts have altered my already small belief and perception of love and associated feelings and expectations.
In the meanwhile there came the most challenging thing I faced in this course “
The Windhover”, it really felt like decoding a cryptic puzzle while reading it. I don’t think I could have understood it on my own. It was followed by another interesting poem of the duchess showing the cruelty and brutality of the duke in the name of pride, showing how society and upbringing could influence someone to the extent of becoming a murderer for maintaining the position in the society.
“
Araby” was like a diary entry form me at times, I could clearly associate myself with the boy at various points of the story, but again there was something which made me uneasy. It was clear that the boy was obsessed with the girl and all the actions were directed to her, he kept thinking about her all the time. I felt uneasy as I questioned myself on comparison if I am obsessed with a girl. Like most adolescents I too had a crush on a girl, the first and only, but like the character in Chekhov story I thought maybe too much, still I would say I was being practical and saw no future of any kind of relationship at that point of time and so it ended. Though I never felt like “a creature driven and derided by vanity” but yes I did felt a bit foolish at all the thoughts and fantasies I had at the time. But the uncomfortable thought I felt now was that since then I never could perceive any girl better than her and at times thoughts of her do drift in my mind. Does it mean I am obsessed with her? I looked up on the topic, researched a bit and although I am almost convinced I am normal but still the doubt persists. Following this was the feministic story "
Odour of Chrysanthemums" depicting the struggle in the life of a more worthy woman caught in miner’s society written by Lawrence in a fashion that it was boring to start reading the story as you see just a lot of stuff in the story most of which is irrelevant. For me it again showed how complex the female mind thinks and how confused they are for most of the things in life, although I wouldn’t say the woman’s condition was completely due to her indecision and confusion, but also due to the society and the norms or maybe the latter being more responsible. But as she later realises that when she had felt familiar with him, but now she feels that he was apart all the while shows she could not really understand her own feelings at the prior point of time, maybe they were too complex even for her to interpret.
After all these the most thought provoking poem of T S Eliot was next in course, “
The Hollow Men”. I didn’t even try to read it apart from class, as it definitely makes you think in a way that if by chance you were happy you will get gloomy. It raised one of the most fundamental questions “why do we live?”, something that I have been wondering for quite awhile now, but never found a satisfactory answer from anyone, in fact on most occasions there was no answer. For me it was the biggest paradox how people just keep on living without really thinking what are they doing and where will it lead to. People live today so that they can get up again and live tomorrow, then so on, but I really feel uneasy how they never really even wait to sit back and ponder that why are they doing it, they have become so mechanised that they follow some fixed schedule without much variation but what would be the result when it all ends? No one could answer it. It’s really easy for someone to just say to believe in god and thus escape from all these questions with god as answer to all the questions. But for me it is difficult believe it, as it is also quite apparent in Wilde’s play "
The Importance of Being Earnest", although old but still the things it conveys are relevant, seeing how the people in the world have all turned into hypocrites and today they care more to prevent others from progressing than progressing on their own. Today the people have even left the hope for paradise and it’s common for them to act as devil and be liked for it. Moral values are degrading and most of things become acceptable these days. Most people regard themselves nothing less than titans, not realising that in the larger context we are too insignificant.
In this course I did learn a few things about the structure and styles of writing, although I am still not very sure if I can identify a penta-metre or whether it is sprung rhythm, but I definitely have learned to appreciate the literature. My views have transformed from passive to curious towards literary works. Discovering the multilayered hidden meanings is actually enjoyable, and exposure to the different lines of thought of various writers you encounter is definitely quite a learning experience. The course “Introduction to Literature” effectively introduced me to the literature and I found it really interesting so now as a next step I plan to get into a long term relationship with it.
